Anders, You Jerk
by shutterbones
Summary: Knight-Captain Cullen meets Hawke for the first time, and has a surprising  and grudging  conversation regarding his history with the Hero of Ferelden.  post-OWiB and post-OF


"_So!_" she began with an exaggerated wave of her hand, "Cullen." I nodded mutedly to her address.

"..Knight-Commander…Templar.. Thing," she continued. A bit too much. I winced.

"Actually, Knight_-Captain_," I lightly corrected, the words burrowing in my throat. "I'm no longer a Commander." Her eyes sparkled in that moment, telling me I shouldn't have told a mage this.

"_Really, now_?" she piped up, now leaning far too close over the table with her hands primly supported under her chin. A small smile crept up on her lips.

"Well _that _certainly sounds like an interesting story; care to tell?" she asked, though I saw the malice in her eyes. I didn't feel quite _that _comfortable with her yet; friend or no, I was under no obligation to talk about my personal life with this _Hawke _character.

* * *

><p>"<em>Cullen, please, just speak to her," Anders begged. He was insistent now, that old and too-familiar insistent I could only forget too soon from our journey in Ferelden. <em>

"_I cannot risk being seen off-duty with a MAGE, Anders!" I scoffed, quickening up my pace in hopes he would give up. He never was one for walking long distances. "Do you know what that would do to my reputation here? I won't have that happen again. And at the Hanged Man, no less! Such mockery."_

"_The lady asked you for a drink, that's all," he continued, hopping into his pace to walk alongside me. I attempted to violently steer my course down another pathway towards the Hightown estates, ducking low under the eave towards the garden._

"_Why are you so insistent on me meeting her, anyway?" I reeled on him now, scornful gaze striking him down. "It's dangerous enough for you to be out here in Hightown on your own; you know what risk that poses." It suddenly occurred to me just how dangerous it was, and I took a quick glance-around to ensure we weren't within ear or eyeshot of another guard._

_A small, weary grin crept onto Anders' face now as he shook his head and chuckled. "I just thought you might like her.." he grinned, his face now turning into a new expression altogether. I felt my face burn red-hot._

"_ANDERS!" I clenched my jaw together. "Do you really think I would want to know about THAT-" I started, but didn't know how to finish my sentence. Where was I going with it? I released Anders' arm and stepped back, my face a miserable, burning pink color now._

"_Relax, templar," he laughed, "just a joke." _

_Oh, right._

_His smile faded as he, too, regarded our surroundings with the predatory instincts of an alley cat, eyes alert and fearfully scanning the area for any dogs. "But seriously," he turned back to me now, eyes still wavering over a dark walkway, "I wanted you to meet her because it's important that the templars trust us."_

_I shot him a scornful look, which he swallowed quickly and tried to correct himself once our gazes connected._

"_N-Not that we shouldn't be trusted in the first pl-" he stopped, huffed. "Look, Cullen. I need you to do this, for ME. I need the comfort in knowing if all goes to hell, that we at least have YOU on our side."_

_I knitted my brow together in surprise._

"_I thought you didn't trust me, Anders," I asked in slightly mocking curiosity. Anders looked tired - more weary than I ever remembered him. The genuine smile was washed from his face, skin grayed, replaced by an ever-worry that I knew to be altogether far too familiar. He was too young for such an expression._

"_I'm sorry," I corrected myself, weighing my left hand on his shoulder in promise. He looked up in slight surprise, then loosened under my grip with a relieved sigh._

"_You don't know how much this means to me, Cullen," he said, "Thank you."_

_I watched him slink off into the night, back to his quiet hiding hole in the pits of Darktown. _

_If only you could see him now, darling…_

* * *

><p>"…Did I bore you that much?" she laughed.<p>

I broke instantly from my thoughts, jolted back to reality as I fell upon the curving smile of her lips. I swallowed hard.

"N-No, I just-"

_Since when did my stuttering come back?_

I could feel my cheeks beginning to burn red from embarrassment, and quickly tried to cover it by clearing my throat.

"I'm sorry." _There, better. _"I suppose I must have drifted off a bit, there," I concluded while fidgeting with my face. A poor excuse, but hopefully enough.

Her smirk returned.

"Anders warned me that might happen. I heard your rather _skittish _for a templar," she said, though not fearfully. Curious. Delighted.

A rather peculiar way to go about things.

"I would assume you would be a bit more cautious, seeing as you are a mage and I a templar-"

"And _we, _in the Hanged Man," she finished with a light laugh. "Don't worry, templar. I have it all under control," she waved me off before nodding towards the bar. I saw Anders off some ways, sitting at a table with a frightfully pale and little elf girl, a whore, a beardless dwarf, and a male elf who looked like he was attempting to sear holes through a beam with his gaze.

"Uhm… your… _companions_, I presume?" I began, unsure if I should even consider the topic.

_And I thought you picked strange company._

She turned her head, following my gaze, and lit up. "Oh!" she said while jutting a thumb, "you mean _that _sorry lot?" I looked back at her, unsure, and a bit confused.

"Yeah," she grinned, "those are mine. Unfortunately." She settled back into her seat with a contented sigh, slinging one arm over the back of the chair while letting her gaze linger thoughtfully over the female elf sitting some ways away. I swear I heard her giggle.

"Unfortunately..?" I echoed, even more confused. She turned slowly to me, her gaze now lingering on mine. I found it frightfully uncomfortable, and even shifted in my seat in a bout of nervousness. She looked at me as if she expected so-_Oh!_

"_Sarcasm_, right-" I admitted with a miserable wince, "_Sorry_."

_How stupid are you?_

I sighed. "I'm sorry, it's been a while since I've had to deal with it. Templars aren't very witty, you see-" I paused, finding the effortless words suddenly bursting out of my mouth rather… odd. I wasn't used to conversation, not like this anyhow. I shut my mouth in doubt, unsure if I wanted to continue talking.

"Oh _bother _why did you stop?" she cooed, leaning forward in her seat again to place her chin in her hands. A bright, warm smile cornered her face from ear to ear, and I felt a bit taken aback by it. I blinked.

"I-I.."

_Damn my stuttering!_

"I was learning _so much _about the templars, too! Fascinating creatures, those," she grinned, and now I picked up on it.

_Sarcasm again, right._

A pleasant, surprising laugh quite abruptly rumbled out of my throat after she spoke. I felt warmed by it, as if life managed to flicker back on for the briefest of seconds. She laughed as well, stinging me in the chest with unwanted memory.

* * *

><p><em>"Well I believe it makes perfect sense to use such a thing against you to try and teach you a lesson. I mean, really, consorting with a mage-<em>_**you should know better**__, Cullen," she continued to egg on in a mocking, dramatic voice. A wide grin cracked across her lips just as we began to round the bend toward the chamber stairs. I fell short at the bottom, stopping to turn intently to her and correct myself. My cheeks were flaring red._

_What a beautiful smile._

* * *

><p>"Hello in there, are we drifting off again? <em>Maker<em>, am I going to have to glue your eyes to Isabela's breasts to keep you in this reality?"

"Who-_What?_" I looked at her, shocked and a bit disgusted. This didn't seem to bother her in the least. She laughed, in fact.

"A _joke_, templar. Ever heard of those?" she tittered harmlessly at me. I immediately softened, my shoulders loosening in my armor.

"Too much, in fact," I mumbled while shooting a quick glance at Anders. He was _smiling_, the bastard. Maker's _beard_, he'd done this on _purpose_. I shot a dirty _look _at him before returning my eyes to the swirling cup of full ale I had not touched since we arrived. The mage Hawke, however, was a different story entirely.

"Shouldn't you - _not _be drinking that?" I asked fearfully as I saw her chug down the last of her round and slap it on the table. My attention shifted rather dramatically to the fact that there was a _mage _drinking_ alcohol _right in front of me, and if memory served me well those two things _never _mixed well.

"Shouldn't you _not _be lecturing me if you are off-duty?" she laughed back while simultaneously calling for another round from the bartender.

"Well, technically-" I started, raising a pointed finger. She shot me a dully amused look by the height of her brow. A smile appeared.

"You _are _a nervous one, aren't you?" she purred.

My words caught in my throat as I heard the same exact phrase echoed in my mind's eye.

"_Don't you ever stop fidgeting, templar?" she laughed. "It was cute the first time, now it just has me worried." I quickly hid my hands behind my back again as she turned back to her studies._

"_S-Sor - Sorry," I stuttered out, cursing myself for my inability to act directly. Oh but Maker how could I, when I could smell the fresh lilac in her hair?_

"_Cullen, it's okay.."_

"I-I'm sorry," I murmured in a husky, low voice after a moment. "You just… remind me of someone is all." I could hear the sadness in my own voice, and quickly steered my eyes away from the table to watch the floor. The mage didn't seem to catch onto this.

"The _Warden_, I presume?" she butted in, and immediately I felt my chest clench up in terror. My eyes flashed to her, terrified, fearful, angry.

_How did you-_

"Don't worry," she cut in again, waving her hand, before the words could leave my lips, "Anders told me."

_Anders told me._

I instantly reeled in my chair to cut through the crowd and find him. For all his surprise, there was a large hint of _I-know-what-that-look-means _on his face that made me want to strangle him. Instead, I simply shot him my nastiest, disapproving glare I could.

"Hey, no reason to take our your anger on him, templar," she laughed, steering my attention back to her in my shame. I hunkered down more in my seat and could feel my heart already beginning to thrash in my chest.

_Don't make me do this._

"I was just curious," she shrugged. "Anders is no man for keeping secrets, especially one like _that_."

My lips were stone-cold shut. I glared at her.

"_So_, the _Grey Warden_…" she began in a misty, enthralled voice. "If I hadn't seen your reaction myself, I might not have believed it!"

"Truth makes fools of us all," I ground out. She seemed delighted by my new involvement with this conversation, and shifted in her chair to sit forward.

"What was she _like_?" she purred, her eyes half-hooded in keen interest on the topic. I felt suddenly too stuffed in my armor, and shifted uncomfortably in my seat as I considered the weight of each possibility. She was a _mage_, after all - this _Hawke _character.

"_How _was she or do you mean _who?" _I asked in a flat tone. "Two very different things." A small, weak grin crept up on my lips.

_You have made me far too talkative, my love._

"_Oh my_," she purred. "_Both_, for certain!"

I was beginning to regret my choice of words, however jokingly they were meant. My smile faltered on a wince as I shuffled in my seat again and, nodding to the bartender setting down the second round of drinks - both mine still full, cleared my throat to ready myself.

"She was uh, _fearless_…I-In both aspects." I scratched at my jaw, already feeling my ears burning red. I must have looked like an apple, because she was positively too delighted by this news.

"I heard she was quite the beauty as well," she sighed. "Long, dark hair. Milk-white skin. Rose-colored lips." I was a bit put-off by just how enamored the mage seemed with her visual description.

"Amber eyes like fire.." she whispered.

"A-Actually she cut off her hair," I butted in with an awkward clearing of my throat. I wasn't sure I liked where her words were going.

"Did she really?" she asked. She sounded genuinely surprised. "I'd always heard differently… Ah well, I suppose that's the female influence in the tale. I always liked short hair better."

I glanced at her own hair, which probably was lovely grown-out, but in the current moment a chopped up remnant of dull gold. I cleared my throat again.

"It looked sort of like a fire, actually," I recalled, a hint of laughter coloring my voice at the memory. My eyes softened. "Like claws coming out, sticking up in every direction." I weakened at the memory.

"I-It.. suited her," I murmured.

"How I would have _loved _to meet her, though I can't say I wouldn't try to _steal _her from you," she chuckled, "You look like the jealous type."

A great, shocked frown pulled at my mouth as I looked up, aghast, and saw that same twinkle in her eye. Her gaze traveled back to the tiny elf sitting at the table with Anders, and this time I _saw _her giggle.

_Maker's breath.._

"_O-OH!_" I blurted a bit too loudly, my knee jerking up and hitting the table as I tried to shift backward. My full pints of ale both toppled over in the process, soaking my robes and spilling all over the floor. "O-Oh _damn it all_," I hissed while awkwardly jumping to my feet and stumbling backward.

"I thought I was through with this juvenile _mess,_" I snarled under my breath. Hawke was standing by my side before I knew it, her hand on my shoulder. I jerked back in an instant, eyes wide and skin unaccustomed to such brutally personal touch in a long time.

"_Relax, _Captain. Don't want you making a scene," she chuckled in a whisper. I glanced around to find all eyes watching us both, and allowed her to, miserably, guide us over to the table where her companions resided.

"_Everyone!_" she announced to the table in a happy, chipper voice. "I would like you to meet-" she looked at me, forgotten on my name.

"_Cullen_," I mumbled irritably.

"_-Cullen!_" she continued, "Captain Extraordinaire of the Chantry!"

"I don't think he appreciates your humor, Hawke," Anders tried, but I could hear the underlying snicker in his tone. I shot him another nasty glare, hoping it would burn holes right through his skull. He smirked at me.

"I'm _soaking wet _with ale; how do you suppose I return to the Chantry in this state, Anders?" I hissed at him. He shrugged and laughed.

"Oh you are a big whiny oaf, aren't you?" Hawke sighed while hooking her arm through mine and pulling me towards the stairs. I immediately stiffened. "I'm sure I can get Varric to find you something."

"_Ah_, Hawke!" Anders piped up. She stopped, giving me more reason to try and inch my way out of her grip. Even through the armor I could feel her _hand _on me and I wanted it off immediately. "_Gently,_ please," he added, "I wasn't joking about it."

"Joking about _what?_?" I shrieked at Anders as the dwarf and the mage forcefully guided me away. "_Anders!_"

He only shrugged in surrender as we disappeared upstairs and out of sight.


End file.
